A Dog's New Years Resolutions
The dog who wrote the New Years Resolutions below did it
with the intention of keeping them all, just as we do. But
dogs have an even shorter memory than we do and maybe even
less impulse control, so unfortunately he forgot them all
even before the ball fell on New Years Eve. He was asleep on
the bed then anyway.
A Dog's New Years Resolutions
I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of
carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not eat other animals' poop.
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
I will not eat my own vomit.
I will not eat "kitty box crunchies".
I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in
the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not eat the
disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, specially not the red ones,
so my people won't think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window
rolled down when it's raining outside.
I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of
someone who is sitting on the toilet.
I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV.
I will not walk under the big dog when he is peeing.
I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back
yard with it.
I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on
the toilet.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
Mom's driver's license and car registration.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I will shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the
house.
I will never, never again eat all Mom's caramels and glue my
teeth together!
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All About The Holidays
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