Jokes about
Rats - Page 5
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Ratty Products We'd Like to See
By: Huey & Dewey (our pet Guinea Pigs)
These great ideas were submitted by the creative and
entertaining members of the ratlist.
=> Automatic Avocado dispenser.
=> Self-cleaning, automatically expandable rat cages.
=> Odor-eaters cage bottom pads.
=> "Clapper" rattie play harness. For when they are
determined to play hide & seek ... clap your hands, and
listen for the beep!
=> Pampers Hammocks. Absorbs moisture, keeps rats dry!
=> Itty-bitty toenail clippers. (All my rats saw this and
yelled:"Nooooooo!")
=> Depends hammock liners.
=> MarkNoMore. An anatomically designed chamois that fits
snugly over rat testicles and automatically wipes up scent
mark pee as soon as it's dribbled.
=> Hedgewood. A dinner plate with a built-in battery-
operated force field that discourages rats from stealing
your food.
=> RatProof BandAid. A wound dressing infused with the
scent of baytril so as to deter rats from ripping it off
your sensitive flesh.
=> Workout Wodent Wheel. A wheel that spins constantly
powered by battery, so that even the laziest squish can't
just sleep in it, but is forced to exercise.
=> Rat Socks. Prevents cold sharp ratty feet from tearing
up your skin during winter.
=> Taileotard. An ultra abosorbant tail stocking with dual
action. It's a dribble wiper and tail protector that keeps
your ratties tail sparkling clean. No more pee trails or
nasty dirty tails in the face...comes in vanilla and corn
chip scent.
=> MedMerizer. A small devise that easily fits on any med
syringe that hypnotises ratties into being co operative
angels. Mmmmm... baytril... Mmmm... tastes like yoggies!
No more struggles! No more mess! No more wearing more
antibiotics than you get into your rat!
=> MycoBeGone. A yoggie like treat that instantly relieves
all symptoms and signs of myco! Give your rattie one drop
and watch all the gasping, wheezing and precolating
instantly dissapear! Available in Awsome Avocado and Chewy
Chocolate. MycoBeGone... for your peace of mind!
=> Compound T. Just apply a few drops daily of this tumor
shrinking liquid on your rattie's tumor and watch the tumors
fade away into just a memory!! Stop paying for your vet's
trips to Hawaii... easy, affordable and non-invasive!
=> Electrolux Litter Sifter.
=> Wahl's Ultrasonic Rat Nail Trimmer.
=> Clairol Rat Coat Color Chart. Dye Your Hair To Match
Your Rat!
=> Smith & Hawkins's Rat Raisin Composter Bin, "From Nature
To Nature".
=> Hanes Tooth-Proof Underwear.
=> Kellogg's Corn 'n' Avocado Flakes.
=> Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Blocks.
=> Kleenex Brand Empty Boxes.
=> Band-Aid Bitter Apple Flavored Bandages.
=> Pamper's Mini-Diapers with Tail Opening.
=> Oxbow-Hay Spaghetti Chow.
=> Robyn's Cast Iron Hammocks.
=> Ronco Blue Dumbo Clone-A-Rat Home Kit (genetic material
included).
=> Dell DrainEasy(tm) Keyboard. Allows small rodent urine
to pass easily through the keys and into a resevoir! Easy
to clean, smell-less construction! Prevent fussy, sticky
keys due to excess rat pee. Also collects other liquid
products.
=> No More Chew. A harmless product which repels ratties
searching for carpet and walls to chew.
=> Eau de Doe. Bottled escence of girl on heat for getting
boys out of hidey spots or pouring on clothes for a cuddle
during powering sniffing.
=> Healthy commercial ratfood. How hard could it be?!
=> Hair Rat or Hair Mouse. For that Rex-like bad hair day.
=> Bucks Fizz. A quick acting aspirin for removing stress
caused by studly buck dominance scuffles.
=> Ratman merchandise. Thats Right!! The Capped Crusader and
his Agouti Sidekick is once again STORMING onto our shelves
to SAVE us from NEFARIOUS FIENDS such as The Intolerodent,
the Big Bad Realtor, and Depressia !!!
=> First Alert Choke Alarm.
=> Estee Lauder Rat Scratch Cover-up.
=> Pez Corn Dispenser.
=> Old Navy Cargo Tail Wraps.
=> Hoover Raisin-Vac.
=> New! From Random House Publishing: RAT INTROS: EASY AND
GUARANTEED!
=> Totes Third Shoulder.
=> Chiquita Banana Blox.
=> Kiwi Bitter Apple Shoe Polish.
=> Hoover Wind Tunnel Vaccuum with Turd Finder.
=> RAT by Ralph Lauren. For him: smells like a warm taco.
For her: smells like grape soda.
=> Farberware 6-Strand Spaghetti Cooker.
=> Yates regenerating Avocado.........permanently
ripe...never runs out.
=> Coleman Self-Cleaning Rat Camper keeps your rats safe
from insects, predatory birds, wild animals, and overly hot
days. Just plug it into your car's cigarette lighter and
your rats will have the ultimate climate controlled cage
away from cage. Never again fear travel rejection from
hotels and motels. Move the entire family across country
safely! Assures that rats are welcome at State Parks,
National Parks, and KOA campgrounds nationwide.
=> NEW! "Pampers" Pull-ups now in Rat for 1-6 months,
available in "Dumbo" and "Jumbo!".
=> "Furomatherapy" presents "Rat." Drift away from the
stressful outside world with this relaxing yet clarifying
scent. Available in Grape, Raisin and Taco. *Coming Soon*
"Rat" Eau de Toilet in a unique, furry, automatic dispenser-
-a few drops in just the right place! Everytime!
=> Ratproof Furniture! Fuzz-E-Boy launches its new chew-
proof line of fine titanium home furnishings.
=> "Testoster-gone!" That's right! Now you too can be free
of hormonal harangues, alpha antagonism, teenage terror,
adolescent animosity, and rat rages with this fantastic
product. Our scientists have worked hard preparing an
exceptionally delicious one-time treatment for your ranting
rodent! Now available in a new easy to give dose! Just
throw it at him! No more bites, scratches, gouges,
expensive veterinary appointments or lengthy waits in
hospital emergency rooms for painful rodentectomys. Get rid
of that "adol-e-scent adol-essence" today! Call your vet
right now or use our toll free number: 1-800 YOUR GOOLIES
ARE NEXT (ask for Ms. Backofrat)
=> Scotch Mark-Guard. Spray your carpet, your sofa,
yourself! Rat urine beads right up!
=> Johnson & Johnson Bruxing Dentures - Let you brux back at
your rats without weraing down your permanent teeth.
=> Perego Pinky Pram. Choose the 9, 11 or 17 baby model.
=> First Alert Ratters Mace. Spray any moron who utters the
phrase, "Eeeuw! I hate the tail!".
=> Libby Beer Mugs with Tail Guard.
=> Peanut Butter Weetabix.
=> Cadbury Chocolate Baytril Bar.
=> Fodors Rat Translator.
=> Maidenform 3-Cup Bra.
=> Hanes Pre-chewed T-shirts.
=> Latest hit single from The Rat Guys: "Walk Like A
Cowboy".
=> The Verminator - At the push of a remote control button
your human is instantly on ground level, on all fours, ready
to groom, provide warmth or comfort, play tag, wrestle,
ruffle, etcetera as needed. They can be tailless, they can
be bald - we're OK with that... but they should come pre-
marked so as to not seem like an intruder.
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