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Jokes about Rats
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Humor - Pet Rocks, Pet Rats, and the Element Rattium
By: Huey & Dewey (our pet Guinea Pigs)
New Element Discovered
Element: Rattium Symbol: Rt Atomic weight: 450g
Physical properties: A solid a room temperature, although
has a tendency to melt into a pliable form when massaged. *
Despite attraction for power cords, it is a poor electrical
conductor. * Far from dense. * Thermally insulated by a
layer of soft fibres which magnetically attracts human skin
of the hands and lips. * Emits an audible alarm when
squeezed or poked.
Chemical properties: * Rt+ attempts to bond with Rt- at any
chance it gets. * Rt+ can become explosive when mixed with
similar ions, but is effectively diffused by removal of
large electrons to form neutral Rt. * Propensity to consume
any organic matter it encounters. * Becomes excited by
addition of Element Yg (Yogurtdropium). * Insoluble in
water, although wetting tends to turn it into a harshly
acidic reagent that is hazardous to human skin. * Once
established in an area, it acts as a catalyst for the
absorption of more and more of like element into that area.
Usage: * Industrial use is limited to minor fertilizer
production and as a biological paper shredder. * Considered
by some to be a rare and precious commodity in it's natural
state.
Cautions: * Prone to leakage of internal fluids. * Without
careful monitoring, can cause environmental degradation
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Why Pet Rocks are Better than Pet Rats
1. Rocks don't poop.
2. Rocks don't scent mark, although if they're dirty they
can leave smudges.
3. Rocks don't need to be fed or watered.
4. Rocks stay where you put them, don't try to escape from
their cages and don't run under the furniture to hide.
5. Rocks don't gnaw everything in your house.
6. Very few people are allergic to rocks.
7. Rocks don't breed uncontrollably.
8. Rocks are rarely territorial or hormonally aggressive.
9. When you take your rock out in public, people are never
appalled about your choice of pet.
10. Rocks don't run up huge vet bills.
11. Rocks hardly ever get infestations of lice or fleas.
12. Although rocks can scratch you, they never bite.
13. Rocks have a much much much longer life span.
Shame they don't brux, give you whiskery kisses, enjoy
cuddling up in your lap, do comical and clever things, get
up to mischief, beg for treats and love you.
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