St. Patrick's Day Irish Slams
By: Tippy & Alfred
* May you leave without returning.
* May you fall without rising.
* She has a tongue that would clip a hedge.
* He'd steal the sugar out of your punch.
* That man would talk the teeth out of a saw.
* If that man went to a wedding, he's stay for the christening.
* He is always in the field when luck is on the road.
* May those who love us love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles,
So we'll know them by their limping.
* May the enemies of Ireland never meet a friend.
* May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind
illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of
Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a
telescope.
* May you melt off the earth like snow off the ditch.
* May his pipe never smoke, may his teapot be broke
And to add to the joke, may his kettle ne'er boil,
May he keep to the bed till the hour that he's dead,
May he always be fed on hogwash and boiled oil,
May he swell with the gout, may his grinders fall out,
May he roll howl and shout with the horrid toothache,
May the temples wear horns, and the toes many corns,
Of the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty's drake.
May his spade never dig may his sow never pig
May each hair on his wig be well thrashed with a flail
May his door have no latch, may his house have no thatch,
May his turkey not hatch, may the rats eat his meat
May every old fairy, from Cork to Dunleary,
Dip him snug and airy in river or lake,
Where the eel and the trout may feed on the snout
Of the monster that murdered Neill Falheerty's drake.
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All About The Holidays
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