Jokes and Humor About Santa Claus and Christmas

 


*  Why does Santa's sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has a long-distance runner on each side.



"When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when     you  start getting clothes for Christmas"



*  Why does Santa have a garden?
So he can HO!HO!HO!

*  What does Santa tell the elves to do in the garden
Ho Ho Ho!


*  Why does Santa's sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has a long-distance runner on each side.


*  What kind of bird can write?
A PEN-guin


*  What do elves learn in elf school?
The elf-abet!

*  What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!

*  What does Santa Claus say to Mrs. Claus when he looks out the window?
Looks like "rain deer".


*  As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"



*  What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.


*  How does Mickey Mouse get around during the winter?
Mice skates.

*  Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.

*  What happened when Santa's cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
She had mittens.



*  Did you hear about the family who owned an English pointer and an Irish setter?
The dogs got together at Christmas time and had pointsetters.

*  If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does an astronaut get??
Missile toe!

*  What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

*  What does Santa eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes!


*  How does Santa Claus take pictures?
With a North Pole-aroid camera.


*  What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.


*  What happens when Frosty the Snowman gets dandruff?
He gets snowflakes.


*  What did Santa Claus say  to all the toys on Christmas Eve?
"Okay everybody! Time to hit the sack!"

*  Why does Scrooge love all of Santa's reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him. 





*  Where do elves go to vote?
The North Poll.


*  What did the sheep say to the shepherd?
Seasons Bleetings!

*  Where did the mistletoe go to become rich and famous?
Holly-wood.

*  What does Frosty the Snowman take when he gets sick?
A chill pill. 





*  Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log.

*  Who likes to drink reindeer milk every morning for breakfast?
A baby reindeer.

*  If the day before Christmas is called Christmas Eve, what is  the day after Christmas called?
December 26th.

*  What do they call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.


*  Why does Santa Claus put coal in the stockings of bad little  boys and girls?
Because heating oil would leak out the bottom.

*  What is a big as Santa but weighs less than a feather?
Santa's shadow.

*  Why won't Santa eat Twinkies?
He would rather eat Ho-Hos.

*  What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
The letter "Y".


*  What is red and white and black all over?
Santa Claus covered in ashes.


*  What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
The letter "D".



*  What did the guest sing at Eskimo's Christmas party?
...Freeze a jolly good fellow..

*  What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you!

*  What do reindeer have that no other animals on earth have?
Baby reindeer.





*  What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
Lost.

*  What kind of pine has the sharpest needles?
A porcupine.


*  If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile-toe!

*  What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
Claus-trophobic


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