Jokes and Humor About Santa Claus and Christmas
* Why does Santa's sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has a long-distance runner on each side.
"When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas"
* Why does Santa have a garden?
So he can HO!HO!HO!
* What does Santa tell the elves to do in the garden
Ho Ho Ho!
* Why does Santa's sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has a long-distance runner on each side.
* What kind of bird can write?
A PEN-guin
* What do elves learn in elf school?
The elf-abet!
* What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
* What does Santa Claus say to Mrs. Claus when he looks out the window?
Looks like "rain deer".
* As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
* What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
* How does Mickey Mouse get around during the winter?
Mice skates.
* Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
* What happened when Santa's cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
She had mittens.
* Did you hear about the family who owned an English pointer and an Irish setter?
The dogs got together at Christmas time and had pointsetters.
* If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does an astronaut get??
Missile toe!
* What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.
* What does Santa eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes!
* How does Santa Claus take pictures?
With a North Pole-aroid camera.
* What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
* What happens when Frosty the Snowman gets dandruff?
He gets snowflakes.
* What did Santa Claus say to all the toys on Christmas Eve?
"Okay everybody! Time to hit the sack!"
* Why does Scrooge love all of Santa's reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.
* Where do elves go to vote?
The North Poll.
* What did the sheep say to the shepherd?
Seasons Bleetings!
* Where did the mistletoe go to become rich and famous?
Holly-wood.
* What does Frosty the Snowman take when he gets sick?
A chill pill.
* Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log.
* Who likes to drink reindeer milk every morning for breakfast?
A baby reindeer.
* If the day before Christmas is called Christmas Eve, what is the day after Christmas called?
December 26th.
* What do they call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
* Why does Santa Claus put coal in the stockings of bad little boys and girls?
Because heating oil would leak out the bottom.
* What is a big as Santa but weighs less than a feather?
Santa's shadow.
* Why won't Santa eat Twinkies?
He would rather eat Ho-Hos.
* What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
The letter "Y".
* What is red and white and black all over?
Santa Claus covered in ashes.
* What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
The letter "D".
* What did the guest sing at Eskimo's Christmas party?
...Freeze a jolly good fellow..
* What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you!
* What do reindeer have that no other animals on earth have?
Baby reindeer.
* What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
Lost.
* What kind of pine has the sharpest needles?
A porcupine.
* If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile-toe!
* What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
Claus-trophobic
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