|
|
Cat Humor
Send This Site to a Friend
Jokes About Cats
Human beings are large, clumsy animals with extremely
poor night vision that make a lot of noise. However,
they live in weather-proof homes, and are easily trained.
CHOOSING YOUR HUMAN:
Humans don't realize this, but we choose which humans to live with, and
which ones to avoid. Avoid humans who start sneezing when we get close.
They are allergic to us. Also avoid ones that try and kick us.
A good human will bend down and reach out to scratch an ear and
start saying something stupid like "nice kitty kitty."
The trick is to get inside the human's home to see if they have a
suitable environment for one of our superior species
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10 Cat Commandments
I am the Lord of thy house.
Thou shall have no other pets before me.
Thou shalt not ever ignore me.
I shall ignore thou when I feel like it.
Thou shalt be grateful that I even give thou the time of day.
Remember my food dish and keep it full.
Thou shalt spend most of thy money on toys and gifts for me.
Thou shalt always have thy lap ready for me to curl up in.
Thou shalt shower me with love and attention upon demand.
Above all, thou shalt do anything and everything it takes to keep me happy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PURR WARS
STARRING ...
Puke Furballer, a young barn-cat
Princess Flea-a Purrana
Darth Growler, Catmander of the Death Purr
SBT, a robocat
F1F2, a robocat
Manx Miaowlo, pilot of the Mewlennium Falcon
Chew Paper, Miaowlo's Munchkie sidekick
Rex Can-opener, former Odd-eye knight
It is a period of war and the fur is flying. Undeclawed rebel
cats, striking from a hidden litterbox, have won their first
victory against the evil Veterinary Empire. During the battle,
rebel spies managed to steal the passpurrs to the Empire's
ultimate weapon: the Death Purr, a weapon with enough power to
destroy the entire rebel breeding program. Pursued by the
Empire's sinister Pawtroopers, Princess Flea-a races aboard her
cat-transporter, custodian of the passpurrs that could save her
people, and restore freedom, catnip and a really absorbent
cat-litter to the galaxy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cat One Liners:
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
And what are cat diapers called? PamPurrs?
Blond Medical Dictionary Term: Cat Scan, n. - Search for kitty.
A cat has paws at the end of its claws; a comma has pause at the
end of its clause.
Bird feeders also double as cat feeders.
I fed some lemon to my cat and now I have a sour puss.
If you throw a cat out the car window, is it kitty litter?
Macrobiotic cats eat brown mice.
Never feed your cat anything that clashes with the carpet
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and
will urinate on your computer.
Never try to out stubborn a cat
Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on
your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will
suddenly have to go to the bathroom
MEOW...SPLAT...RUFF...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs)
The dog needs the high grass so he can hide from the neighborhood
cats. -- Men's Health, on how to get out of mowing the lawn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GETTING FED ON TIME:
Humans are somewhat erratic in their eating habits, but this must not be
allowed to conflict with our getting fed exactly on time every day.
Pick a time, usually at 5 in the morning, and insist on being fed.
Vocalize your hunger, and if necessary, wake the human up.
Initially, the human will throw you outside, thinking you've received a
call from Nature. But in a week or two they will catch on and get
the food out on time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've Gotta Cut Back on The Caffeine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GETTING THE RIGHT FOOD:
Unfortunately modern humans are inept at hunting, thus they purchase
all their food. Generally, they buy things in cans, bags or boxes
to feed us.
They should eat this stuff. As long as you have an adequate supply
of naturally obtained food (i.e. tasty little mice) the appropriate
training regime is to walk up to the bowl of this awful processed food,
sniff at it, walk around the bowl a few times, and then decamp to
your favorite perch for a nice little nap.
A few days of this, and the human begins to feel guilty about you
starving. Eventually they will produce something moderately edible.
If, by chance, something really good turns up, make sure
you let the human know this is preferred to the dry crunchy stuff.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Self Confidence!
Alfred Says:
You know that cats are carnivores, meaning they are meat eaters.
They don't have the ability to manufacture proteins in their liver
as dogs and humans do, thus they have to get their proteins from food.
Complete proteins come from meat sources. Incomplete proteins come
from grains. Incomplete proteins do not have all the amino acids
present required to form what we call a complete protein.
Also you will want to consider the presence of harsh chemical preservatives
that are in some foods, such as BHA, BHT, and ethoxyquin. All have been
proven to play a role in various degenerative diseases such as kidney
and liver disease, and cancer.
Now, what do you believe would be better for your precious Kitty, a food
that has a cancer causing agent, or a food that has all natural
preservatives?
Our suggestion then is to look for a kitten or cat food that has at
least 2 to 3 meat sources of proteins to every one grain source.
And to look for a food that has all natural preservatives instead of toxic
chemicals.
Our recommended dining experience for cats and kittens is:
Life's Abundance Premium Health Food For Cats
It is a 100% complete and balanced formula that is safe for your kitten,
and will supply your kitten with the nutrients it needs.
Check out Alfred's
Favorite Feline Cuisine Here
100% Money Back Guarantee if not satisfied
(minus shipping & tax)
See Also:
Back to All Cat Care & Kitty Fun Stuff
Find Really Cool Pet Stuff - Search This Site
|
