How many riders does it take to change
a light bulb?
ENDURANCE RIDER:
Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's
pulse/respiration/hydration levels down to respectable levels.
Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can
even think about changing a light bulb.
WESTERN PLEASURE RIDERS:
Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that
my silver and spangles all glow to their best and so that all the
highlighter on Old Peanut Head makes his nose look so smooth and
sparkly, and oh, my diamond studs have to flash in the light, you
know, so oh, someone has to fix it -- oh, maybe you without all
the silver on your saddle, obviously you can't ride, you can do
it.
DRESSAGE QUEEN:
Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be
expected to subject myself to such a menial task. Change it
yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The very
thought!
CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN:
These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly,
with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by
the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain
its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true
self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when changing the light
bulb. That is an offense to the principles of classical light
bulb changing.
EVENTER:
Wuss! As soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling
off at that large stone wall while riding Hell Bent for Leather
cross-country, I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark.
It'll put hair on your chest. Only dressage riders require
lights, anyway.
SHOW JUMPER:
Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole
world knows that the sun shines out of my ass. Why, when I
release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded.
NATURAL HORSEMAN:
You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you
as the Alpha light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video set
available at $179.00 on my Website). Once you have done this, you
will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb
at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing
from you (using patented "light bulb coaxer" designed by me -
$99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get a introductory video thrown
in) will behave as all good light bulbs should.
HUNTER RIDER:
Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he's
changing light bulbs somewhere else right now.
SIDESADDLE RIDER:
Well, one things for certain.... if they can do it, I can do it,
and with both legs on the same side of the step ladder..... stand
back and watch me! But first I have to find my top hat and veil,
cut the crusts off the sandwich and pack it in a linen napkin,
fold my rain gloves with the thumbs together and place them under
the billets, have my saddle restuffed and make an
apron...............
FOXHUNTER:
If you laid out all your kit the night before the hunt, you
wouldn't need to worry about the light bulb--you'd be on your
way.. Forget the lightbulb- ain't got no time to worry 'bout no
lightbulb- HOUNDS ARE RUNNING! Load in the dark ( in August),
unload in the dark (in December) - what's the big deal? (But
please dont forget that flask and Snicker's bar!)
How many horses does it take to change a light bulb?
Warmblood:
Light bulb? What light bulb?
Any foal:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives
ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out
light bulb?
Thoroughbred:
Just one. And he'll rewire the barn while he's at it.
Shetland pony:
I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Saddlebred:
Sorry, just had my hooves and mane done.
Morgan:
Oh, oh, me, me! Pleeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can
I?
Quarter Horse:
Let him do it, you can pet me while he's busy.
Trakhener:
Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Akhal-Teke:
Zero! ATs aren't afraid of the dark!
Holsteiner:
How DARE that light bulb burn out!! How DARE you ask me to change it!! OH!! [Flouncing off]
Appaloosa:
No, don't change it. If it's dark, maybe no one will see me
raiding the feed room.
Arab:
That's what we pay the help for. I'll just chew on his shirttail
while he's at it.
Connemara:
We'll just be after havin' a nip of the Bushmill's, we will, and
then we'll not be noticin' the light.
Andalusian:
Let the maid do it, I need to go roll in the mud.
Clydesdale:
Och, and ye'll just be usin' up the lectricity, ye' will, better
tae use a wee bit of candle ... better yet tae not waste either
and just gae tae sleep when the sun gaes doon ... electricity is
verra dear.
NSH:
[fidgeting all the while] Lights? Lights? Where? Do you want me
to pose? This is my good side ... no wait, let me get my mane
straight... no wait, this angle is all wrong. No, wait, maybe
this is my good side. Do you want dramatic ... or bold ... or
maybe sensitive ...
Shire:
(Yawn) Who cares?
Haflinger:
Show me where it is and I'll do it, no problem! Can I clean a
little too while I'm at it? You want me to fix lunch for you to
while I'm at it?
